Tom Batzold hates everyone – particularly readers, women in general

Check out one of today's “hilarious” “news” items from Tommy's favorite soccer hating columnist, Jim Armstrong:

”Just wondering: How many trees have died and how much cyberspace has been polluted to chronicle the exploits of Danica Patrick and Michelle Wie, neither of whom has watched a Sunday sunset with a victory to call her own?”

Can Mr. Batzold be advocating that sports journalists should only cover winners? Let's make some minor changes to that statement and find out:

”Just wondering: How many trees have died and how much cyberspace has been polluted to chronicle the exploits of J.P Losman and Willis McGahee, neither of whom has watched a Sunday sunset with a playoff victory to call his own?”

Hmm, that doesn't really fit with Mr. Batzold's editorial philosophy, so he must mean something else. The only other alternative is that he is advocating that only crew-cut, cleft jaw, Johnny Unitas types deserve the precious space in newspapers and blogs.

I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised at such an anachronistic view given the disgusting old white guy network that got Mr. Batzold his job. After all, only five (5!) AP sports editors are black, and women comprise 12.6 percent of sports journalists. No wonder we get such mediocre, narrow minded sports coverage.

Being Pat Neshek

Neshek finally got called up to the Twins a few days ago and has pitched at least once. You should check out his website for a couple good article about what it's like getting the call to the Show. My favorite non-baseball-related part:

After BP was over I was informed that I inherited the Orange Spongebob Squarepants backpack/rollaway bag from Willie Eyre. From this day on I have to fill up the bag with beverages and goodies and wheel the bag out to the bullpen. The only time I will be fulfilled of this duty is if another bullpen member with no MLB experience comes up.

And this was interesting:

The one difference with the balls from AAA balls is the leather. MLB balls are a lot finer quality leather and a little tougher to get a good grip on.

Could that explain why the International League is such a huge pitchers' league?

Maybe Mr. Matthews needs an intern

Obviously he doesn't bother with facts, and as far as I can tell, Tom Batzold just sits at his desk reading his favorite soccer hating columnists. Luckily, we here at FBM are actually paying attention.

In today's column, Mr. Matthews notes how forgiving American sports fans are compared to soccer fans in Europe, and tries to cram captain overrated into the debate:

Captains and managers have it easy compared to their English soccer counterparts. Derek Jeter didn't step down as captain ... after the heavily favored New York Yankees lost the 2001 World Series to Arizona.

The only way I can figure that happening is if Mr. Jeter invested some of that money he stole from the Yankees into construction of a time machine so he could travel back to 2001 from June 3, 2003 in order to hold a press conference resigning from the captaincy before it was offered.

The Rochester Democrat and Chronicle: Fact free since 1833!

Hell, that evens rhymes.