The Revenge of Billy Beane

Scott Pitoniak, one of the Mantle-era Yankee obsessed sportswriters for the D&C published a fawning article about Greece Athena Senior to be Brian Dupra on Friday. Check out some “highlights”:

John Valle never brings a radar gun with him when he is checking out pitching prospects as a part-time scout for the New York Mets. Instead, the former Rochester Red Wings outfielder relies on the instincts he developed from 13 seasons as a professional baseball player. "I try to envision myself up at the plate against the pitcher," Valle says. "I'll ask myself, 'Could I hit this guy?'"

John Valle never made it to the majors, so his sole criterion is perhaps a little weak. If the Mets were looking for a former Red Wings player to make this judgment, maybe they should see what Stan Musial is up to.

Although his junior season was cut short by a strained throwing shoulder...

Sounds great! As long as he looks like a ballplayer, it should be awesome, right?

Valle is as impressed with Dupra's work ethic and maturity as he is with the live arm. The diamond isn't the only place Dupra excels. He's also an honor student who has acted in school plays and sung in select choir.

He sings choir? How fast can we sign him to a contract? The hell with things like striking people out or not having an injured shoulder, I am goddamn sold.

One of his greatest attributes is humility. He is beloved by his teammates and fellow students because he is so down-to-earth.
"He doesn't walk around school like he is better than everybody else," says Athena varsity coach Jason Bunting. "He is a very caring young man. He's the type of kid who will take time out to help out or encourage someone on the JV or modified team. As good a baseball player as he is, he's an even better person."

Fuck the JV team, I want my ace pitcher to be a mean bastard that will strike people out, brush hitters back, and throw Robin Ventura in a headlock and nail him with overhand rights when he charges the mound. Barry Bonds may be an asshole in the clubhouse, but I would still want him on my team.

Though Dupra's high school stats are impressive in several categories, they don't blow you away. He has a very respectable 1.97 earned-run average and great control — 92 strikeouts and just 21 walks in 89 innings. His 6-6 record with four saves would be better if he had received better support at the plate and in the field.

Stats? What are those? I thought we already decided that he was such a nice boy who deserved our support, and who could totally date our underage daughters because of his angelic choir voice.