Fighting irrationality with irrationality since 2006.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

BM actually likes soccer... but is still an idiot

So as it's halftime during "The World Cup Game That America Hates" (i.e. Iran vs. Mexico), I felt it would be a good time to see what sort of drivel BM has splattered on the pages of the D&C this morning. Imagine my surprise then when he begins his column with this:

"For one month every four years, I wish soccer was my favorite sport."

Is he actually going to say good things about the World Cup? Is soccer-hater Tom Batzold going to stand for this?? Let's ignore for one second the fact that Rochester's most popular sports team is it's A-league soccer franchise the Raging Rhinos, for whom a brand new soccer stadium just opened. I just assumed that all of the monkeys-with-typewriters at the D&C sports section were dumb World Cup-hating Americans like the rest of the country. Intrigued, I read on. He proceeded to talk about how great a sport soccer is since it inspires such passion in both its players and fans, and that we're all ugly Americans for hating soccer, etc etc. All good things. My jaw was literally agape in shock.

But then comes this:

I am embarrassed that we call the sport soccer while nearly every other country in the world calls it football. The rest of the world is right and we are wrong.

I've suggested this before but I'm more convinced than ever that our football should be called tackleball — the NFL should be the NTL — and that the U.S. national soccer team should be the U.S. national football team.

Ex-CUSE me? Tackleball? Are you high, man?

First off, a correction. I'm hardly a world traveller, but even I know that we're not the only country to call it soccer. Why, just this past April in Ireland, I learned that the Irish also use the term soccer, in part because they have their own sport which they call Irish Football (or Gaelic Football to us outsiders).

But tackleball?? That sounds like some backyard game invented by Calvin and Hobbes, not a multibillion dollar sports juggernaut. What do you call the ball itself in tackleball, BM? Is it a football? Is it a tackleball? Or how about we call it a "throwball" if we're getting all literal here. And why stop there? What kind of a name is "baseball" anyways? It should be batandstickball and the league should be MLBASB. Basketball would be wannaberappersthrowingroundorangeball and the NBA would become the NWBRTROBA.

And don't get me started on hockey!



Blogger Brian said...

A dumb name for a dumb game. Seems perfect.

2:00 PM


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